FOR 'CRUNCH' SAKE

The crunch! From Iceland to Ireland, America to Costa-Rica, everywhere you go, the tale of woe is the same –record losses, job cuts, and nationalization of financial institutions. Thanks to the economic meltdown, words and terms like ‘credit crunch’, ‘global financial crises’, ‘recession’, ‘depression’, and ‘bail-out’, have become permanent components of our lexicon. Only a first time visitor to planet earth would not have come across any or all of these words. Contrary to our initial expectations, Nigeria is badly hit. The effect of the crisis on Nigeria is becoming increasingly devastating –low oil prices, a depreciating naira and declining revenue. The revenue to government is declining at such a rate that it is becoming increasingly difficult for many states to even meet the wage bill of their workers. Perhaps certain governors - like the one in the Adamawa state government house with his whopping 13000 special assistants - would begin to think of more productive ways to engage the creativity of the populace for increased revenue.

The crush! Not like this is any consolation, but last week Forbes magazine released its list of the world’s dollar denominated billionaires and the verdict is that the rich also cry. All the billionaires in the top 10 saw huge losses in their worth this past year and they weren’t the only ones. Whereas the Forbes list contained 1,125 billionaires last year, it’s just 753 this year. And as the facts show, when the big boys lose cash, they lose big cash – cash that could finance nations. Warren Buffett and Carlos Slim - No.2 and No.3 respectively - both lost about $25 billion, roughly equivalent to the GDP of Nigeria. This made me reconsider a particular audacious remark I heard some time ago, that a time would come when nations would be sold off to powerful rich individuals who would then oversee these nations as their personal estate. Is that possible? I would like to know what you think.

The lunch! Two Nigerians, despite the crunch were not crushed, as they made it into the exclusive list. They were Alhaji Aliko Dangote and Mr. Femi Otedola. Whereas Otedola is a new entrant, Dangote’s rating on the list improved from 334 last year to 261. As my mentor, Johnson Abbaly would say, “crunch or no crunch, those who have the stuff will always have lunch.” And as the Bible says, “When men are cast down, there is a lifting up.” This should serve as lesson for Nigerians - people and government alike – that much progress can still be made even in the midst of the famine. The truth is that a new world order would most definitely emerge after this crisis and the nations and people who will set the pace then, would be those who are driving onwards now to that future with determination and a plan. It’s going to be a case of getting shaped up or getting shipped out. Dare or be doomed.

The punch! For some time now, the chairman of the Revenue Mobilization Allocation and Fiscal commission (RMAFC), Engineer Hamman Tukur, has been involved in a running battle with his commissioners. There have been accusations and counter-accusations. While he has been accused (by them) of unconstitutional handling of the commission’s affairs and high-handedness, they have been accused (by him) of partaking in an illegality by collecting an allowance that was more than their due and yet refusing to refund. Last week, things got a whole lot messier. A meeting convened by the chairman to discuss President Yaradua’s proposal that the commission come up with a workable formula for the downward review of the salaries of political office holders turned into an avenue to showcase brute force and gang rascality. According to reports, in the course of the meeting which was held at the national headquarters of the commission, a heated argument ensued culminating in the beating of the chairman by at least 20 of the commissioners. After raining enough punches on their chairman, the ‘distinguished’ commissioners fled the scene of the incident just before the arrival of the men from the Nigerian Police Force. Ouch!

The hunch! On a lighter note, I finally get why my secondary school English teacher was insistent that I learn the right pronunciations for words ending with ‘ch’ and ‘sh’. She had a hunch that I’ll need to use them often in times like this.