If ‘Nigeria’ was the name of a blogger, I am certain that he (Nigeria) would have chosen a grandiose title for his blog page. He would no doubt have gone for a title that lends credence to his colossal aspirations but says nothing about the how of getting there. A title like READY OR NOT, 2020 HERE I COME WITH MY VISION 20 2020 or perhaps ALL HAIL THE BIG BROS would do just fine for him. But if he was an honest blogger, he would settle for a more befitting title like RHAPSODY OF ABSURDITIES because in Nigeria, absurdity is produced and packaged at the speed of light.
ABSURDITY 001: MERRIMENT AND MOURNING ARE PERFECT BEDFELLOWS. NEVER HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER.
Last week, Olusegun Mimiko was pronounced governor of Ondo state by the Appeal court after a protracted legal battle with the then incumbent, Olusegun Agagu. As should be expected, there were celebrations galore in the state. Then the illogical occurred. Three men died and two others were injured in the victory celebration. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an isolated incident. When the comrade governor, Adams Oshiomhole was declared as governor of Edo state last year, 5 persons died. Two died as they were celebrating along the road, two others fell off a moving trailer and died while celebrating on it, while the last –a motor cyclist- lost his life after he ran into a ditch while celebrating the victory. Not even Obama’s momentous victory was so received. That perhaps explains why we are the happiest people on earth.
ABSURDITY 002: NOTHING IS SACRED. EVERY THING HAS A PRICE TAG, INCLUDING YOUR SOUL.
Fallout from the Appeal court judgment last week was the revelation that the ex-secretary to the Ondo state government accepted to pay compensation to a 300 level student of the University of Ibadan who was killed while rigging elections. I silently wondered how much compensation would be worth that life and cursed the foolishness of the student, as well as the poverty of the land. Not the material poverty per se, but, the pervasive moral poverty- the poverty of the mind. A poverty that stems from the defective education received by Nigerians- an education that has failed to instill patriotism and moral values in the Nigerian child.
ABSURDITY 003: CATCH THE SCAPEGOAT. ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY IS BAD FOR BUSINESS.
ABSURDITY 004: DEIFY WHATEVER YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND OR CAN’T FIGURE OUT.
Never before has the word ‘scapegoat’ been applied so literarily than in Kwara state, Nigeria, where a goat was arrested and paraded before the media as a robbery suspect. I wish I could sugar-coat this to make a bit of sense, but I can’t. It’s as ludicrous as it sounds. It so happened that last month, men of the Kwara state police command arraigned a goat as a suspect for the attempted theft of a ‘Mazda’ car. According to the Force public relations officer, Mr. Tunde Mohammed, the goat was a man who in an effort to escape arrest while trying to steal the car, transformed (or is it transmuted?) into a goat. Need I say more?
4 comments:
i love this post. Especially the scape goat story. i think we are thought about it in school, as one of the disadvantages of English as a second language. that was a real scapegat.
lots of laughs while reading your blog, its really interesting. these are really absurd events, but you cannot entirely define what makes people tick. we here(nigerians) believe so many things that are very strange, and we need to desist from them. of course we need a change in education, i'm an extreme believer in this fact.
keep up the good work,
No you need not say more. The way you lace humour into your posts makes it very interesting. I commend you for this. Keep it up! I'd have liked to see somthing under that scapegoat one sha...like an example (chuckle)Well done!
guys thanks a bunch. i laughed as well while writing it. but the strange thing is that they are all so real.
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